10. Sterling Silver Oh Shit Charm (9/16th”). For shits and giggles. Includes chain.

We all know someone who thinks they’re hot shit.

9. Hot Shit Costume. One size fits all. Not just for Halloween.

Or perhaps their shit doesn’t stink.

8. Dollar Sign Fake Poo. Wow, just like Donald Trump makes!

A gift for your favorite tree-hugging environmentalist?

7. How to Shit in the Woods: An Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art by Kathleen Meyer. Please note: Irony may be lost depending on level of hippie-ness.

Hey, even the most accomplished brown-nosing, ass-kissing coworker will appreciate this.

6. Dog Poop Flavor Lip Balm. (I’m not making this shit up.)

Well, have you considered giving the gift of an actual shit?

5. Metamucil Fiber Laxative/Fiber Supplement, Coarse Milled, Unflavored. Oooh Course Milled. Mmmm Unflavored. They have even thoughtfully made the bottle resemble a big roll of toilet paper.

No? How about a tear-jerking, toilet-grasping violent blow out?

4. Colon Blow A Red Habanero Enema! Hot Sauce. I think the name says it all.

Or, you could just scare the crap out of someone.

3. Toilet Monster (green). Adult diapers not included. No gift-wrapping required.

And if you do, this might be a nice gesture…

2.  Fancy French (or “Francy,” if you will) Toilet Paper. In Black (yes, really) or other exciting colors. Ultra Plush for Your Pooing Pleasure.

Here’s hoping you end up on that special somebody’s…

1. Shit List Notepad. A must for those forced to live in modern society (or otherwise interact with humans).